Dear Taylor | 2 Years Later

Dear Taylor Grace,

Today is November 23, 2016. This means you have now been in Heaven for 2 whole years. How is that possible? In some ways it feels like just yesterday that you were growing inside me, and in others, it feels like a lifetime ago. I hate that. 

Reflecting back on year 2 of knowing you are There instead of here, many things haven't changed. I still remember you every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sweet daughter in Heaven, and I think the hardest part is knowing what could have been. I so desperately wanted to raise you, hold you, and mother you, and I still do. 

Being pregnant with your baby brother hasn't made me miss you less. He will grow up knowing he has a big sister watching over him, and one of the things I am most looking forward to is hearing him say your name for the first time. 

Losing you wrecked me, changed, me, and taught me more than anything ever has. I still wouldn't take any of it back. Of course I wish you would have been healed while still inside me, but I have never for a second regretted our journey with you. I am so, so thankful God chose me to be your mom. I still smile when I think about what a fighter you were. I've talked to so many nurses and doctors, and carrying a baby with triploidy halfway through the pregnancy is unheard of. I've never met a doctor who has seen a baby with your condition make it as far as you did. The 18 weeks 5 days I had with you (possibly more since our dating was likely off) were the greatest gift. 

Today is the day your dad and I celebrate your life. We will light a candle, put it on a big birthday cupcake, and sing you "Happy Birthday" just like we did last year. The only thing that makes this day bearable is knowing I get eternity with you. When I finally get There, I am holding you close and never letting go. Happy 2nd birthday in Heaven, little girl! I love you angel baby. 

Love, Mom